There are moments of self-doubt. I admit it. There are days when I wonder why on earth I’m still doing this. I remind myself I’m barely into the process of submitting queries. That’s not that many rejections. Yet. I found my group in Facebook that has touched my heart and uplifted me, and best of all… no drama. One of the things they suggested when I came to them with my heart in my hands and my shoulders hunched, and they embraced me and let me know it’s okay.
They encouraged me to cry and to let it out. That it’s all a part of the process, they remind me of Steven King and JK Rowling and the insurmountable odds they faced, and the sheer volume of rejections they too received. I find my soul revived and my spirit buoyed by their unwavering support and affirmative words.
The truth of the matter is this may never happen for me. Traditional publishing may not be the path that I’m supposed to take, and I have to come to terms with that. I have to be okay with that. For today though, I choose to press on. There are revisions to make to a query letter, and there are many, many more agents that have not yet heard my name.
I choose to celebrate. When I reach 25 rejections, I will find something in which to treat myself. I have chosen to bear my soul to these 25+ people. I have dared to dream something for myself that I didn’t even know I wanted. Something I didn’t think I could ever have.
I decided to work on my research for getting published tonight. To say I was in over my head is the understatement of the year. There’s so much information out there that I can’t even begin to sort it out. I found several sites that were helpful in helping me see through the fog. I’m learning just what it is I’ve gotten myself into. I will persevere though. I’m determined to see this through.
I’m cautiously optimistic that Giving Cheek will be published and hopefully the ones to follow. It’s the dream I never dared to dream. The dream I never knew I even wanted. The dream that was just that, a dream. Now that I’m making strides and going for what I want it’s daunting and scary and exciting and nerve-wracking. If I had any fingernails left to bite off they would be gone, but they came off when I began telling Analee’s story a couple months ago. 😉
I’m so excited about this whole thing. I can’t believe it’s me doing this. I signed up for a Writer’s Digest class on the whole publishing thing and hoping it will give me insight on where to go next. I’m hoping it will guide me in the right direction to begin the querying process. I’m simply waiting for the last Beta reader as well as my editor to come back to me. It’s hard because I know this is a busy time of the year, but I’m so ready to move on and make that leap.
I’m making my third pass through my book. I’ve read it and made notes and now I’m typing it up. It’s probably fitting that this page with a LOT of red ink is also rewriting a scene of violence. There’s no description of what happened, it’s not that kind of book, only the remaining scene and what it looks like.
I’m on my third trip through, for editing, and I still love it. With each new read through I fall a bit more in love with my characters. Yet, I also have to be objective and ask myself if this is how this person would behave.
I think getting everything out of the way reveals those things I wouldn’t normally see.
This entire process has been educational, and addicting, and I am thoroughly enjoying myself.
I’ve also learned something. I’ve done something that many people can’t say they’ve done. I’ve written a book. I have hopes that it will see the light of day beyond, but until that happens I can celebrate this accomplishment.